"Jimmy Buffett For A Day" ( Complete Uncensored Version )

Oh, I took the notion, to go down by the ocean,
craving sunshine in a serious way,
trying to stay warm in the middle of a snow storm,
on a cold and cloudy winter's day

Now I'm to the point I don't care what it costs,
Bubba, I'll be happy and willing to pay,
if I could just go some place tropical and sunny
and live like Jimmy Buffett just for one single day!

I'd go swimmin' with Flipper, sail a pirate clipper,
and go fishin' with Skink and Travis McGee,
stick my toes in the sand, get an all-over tan,
and see what's waiting behind door number three!

If I had Jimmy's dollars, I'd order bottomless Pina Coladas,
and cruise in a custom teakwood sailboat,
and if it started to rain, I'd just hop in my big ol' seaplane,
and fly a little farther on down the coast!

So Bubba I'll tell ya what, just show me where to sign up,
whatever it costs I'll be happy to pay,
if I could live like Jimmy Buffett,
for just one single sunny Floriday!

I wanna get served tequila martinis, by babes in French-cut bikinis,
and watch the sunset over Florida Bay,
partake of Jamaican goodies while cruisin' in my V-8 Woody,
all up and down good old Highway A1A!

( harmonica solo )

I wanna eat cheeseburgers with Hunter Thompson
down at the Key West Howard Johnson's,
and have a jam session with Bocephas & NRBQ,
then do margarita shooters with girls with full-tan hooters
on a waterbed filled up with extra strength Elmer's glue!

I wanna be God's Own Drunk with a big bag of skunk,
and a custom Martin guitar to play,
Man, I'd crawl to Boca Chicka all the way from Topeka
by way of the Chesapeake Bay,
if I could just live like Jimmy Buffett,
just for one single sunny Floriday!

I throw private parties at Capt. Tony's,
then go ride a wild OBX beach pony,
livin' life the real outlaw pirate way,
have an unlimited tab at the Green Parrot, kick back and grin & bare it
and do the Duval Crawl with the ghost of Papa Hemingway!

We'd hang-glide to Belize from Tijuana
munchin' on coconuts and barbecued iguana,
with Jerry Jeff Walker down in Ambergris Caye,
Then fly over to Jamaica,
lay in that hot sun and bake-ahh!!!
and eat jerked chicken all night & day!

I'd sip fancy rum drinks with bananas,
under palm trees in my cabana,
lay in my Brazilian hammock and sway,
Man, I'll pay the tariff, - I might even shoot the goddamn sheriff,
if I could just live like Jimmy Buffett just for one single day!
I don't care what it costs now man, I'm ready and willin' to pay,
if I could just live like Jimmy Buffett just for one single daaaaay!!!!!
( big Blues finish! )

Bartender! - another round of tequila for tha' house!!!
Do we have any freezer assassins inna house tonight?
Thank ya, thank ya vera much! ( Elvis accent )
BUBBA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!!!

*******************************************************

Inspired by a song by Robert Earl Keen
I offer...
The CafeMojo Barbecue Song

"...Barbecue makes old folks feel young,
....barbecue makes everybody someone." - REK
( This one line by Robert Earl Keen, all other lyrics by Ron Thomas Smith )

"BAR-B-Q --- Go on and have yo'sef some!!!
With slaw and hot sauce on a big toasted bun!
you can walk slow or you can even run,
but go on Hoss and give yo' mouth some fun!

If before ya get there you can smell that wood,
then ya know that BBQ is gonna be good.
Hickory-smoked nice and slow just like it should,
you can even use apple, oak or cherry wood.

It makes ya feel good from yer head to yer toes,
but if ya eat too much ya just might explode.

Everybody SING NOW...
BAR-B-Q MAKES OLD FOLKS FEEL YOUNG!
---BAR-B-Q MAKES EVERYBODY SOMEONE!!!!

YOU CAN SMOKE IT IN THE SNOW
YOU CAN SMOKE IT IN THE SUN
YOU CAN SMOKE IT DOWN IN DIXIE
OR EVEN WAY DOWN IN THE CARE-RIB-BEE-UNNNN!!!!

I'll walk a mile or even drive a few,
to get some real downhome pit bar-b-que,
don't want no cheeseburger or no brunswick stew,
just give me a big ol' rack of hot BARBECUE!!!!!!

Pile it on my plate nice and high,
with onion rings, sweet tea and some homemade chocolate pie,
the doc said chewin' BBQ wasn't proper exercise,
but there'll be a big ol' smile on my face when I die!

So grab a big ol' handful of babyback ribs,
a pile of napkins and a lobster bib,
sauce'em up good until they glissen,
Bubba, it ain't enough unless they're drippin!

Barbecue is the 2nd best thing a tongue can do to have fun,
so tip yer hat in reverence south towards Carolina and Lexington,
There's plenty barbecue, enough for everyone,
so don't be shy now, go on and GETCHA SELF SOME!!!!

Cousin Tarvus brought a shine jar from his still,
so fire up the smoker and put that pig on the grill!
Call Marley, Nana, Greenie, O.C. and RottenLuckBill,
we're gonna have a BBQ party till we've had our fill!!!!

Ya know it's a twangy taste that we all crave,
so don't forget Jammer, Scoop & GatorDave!
Barbecue is bi-partisan so there's no need to fight,
we'll even let Slick Willie and Dubya have a bite!

BECAUSE - BARBECUE MAKES OLD FOLKS FEEL YOUNG!
BARBECUE MAKES EVERYBODY FEEL LIKE SOMEONE!!!!

...you can smoke it on a bun or smoke it on a bone,
you can smoke it with yer friends, or smoke it all alone,
you can smoke it before you leave or after you get back,
you can even smoke it with Cap'n Ron down at the CafeMojo tiki shack,

The doctor said too much BBQ might cause a heart attack,
but as long as I'm breathin' I'll be reachin' for another rack,
I ain't worried about going to Heaven or Hell, either one will do,
just as long as they have plenty of hot smoked BARBECUE!!!!!!!!!!!!

( in best George Harrison accent scream...)
I'VE GOT SAUCE DRIPPIN' DOWN ME FINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

**********************************************************
"Our Brazilian Hammock Made For Two"
by Ron Thomas Smith

All I want for Christmas is some pickled peaches baby,
exotic 12 gauge ammo and a brazilian hammock made for two.
Some White Mule hooch to keep us warm and smilin' honey
and a mojo harmonica so we can chase away the Blues.

So doncha worry baby when that ol' sun goes down,
we got a battery-powered blender and a shotgun loaded
with Rhodesian Jungle Rounds!
We'll just keep swingin' all night till the mornin' comes back around,
...in our brazilian hammock made for two!

Take it away Jesco!
( ferocious boone county rhythm buck dancin' and kazoo solo )

If them ol' skeeters come bitin' we'll just throw up our net,
and if it rains we got a swingin' tent so we won't get wet.
We'll just keep rockin' all night cause the party ain't over yet,
...in our brazilian hammock made for two!

Now when it comes to politics I don't know what's wrong or what's right,
I'd rather be a lover because it ain't no fun to fight,
so let's sip moonshine liquor and houchie-coo all night,
...IN OUR BRAZILIAN HAMMMOCK MADE FOR TWO!!!!
I really really wanna swing witcha baby....in our brazilian hammock made for
two!

thank ya, thank ya vera much! ;-)

****************************************

ALMOST LIKE SHE'S STILL HERE
by Ron Thomas Smith

Barkeep bring another round and set'em up one more time,
I've been here for hours but I just can't seem to drink her off my mind,
Sittin' in this seaside honkytonk, cryin' in my beer,
I've been so miserable since that woman left me,
it's almost like the bitch is still here!

So bartender keep'em comin', I wanna get as drunk as I can be,
I got my good buddies Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels keepin' me company,
Let's call up our amigo Jose Cuervo and our old pal Jim Beam,
we'll all drink her off my mind one more time,
I just wish I could drink her out of my dreams

Barkeep make the next one a double, and please don't let this glass go dry,
I just can't seem to get her off my mind no matter how hard I try,
So I'm sittin' in this seaside honkytonk sippin' on another bottomless beer,
I've been so miserable since that bitch left me,
it's almost like she's still here!

So call up my amigo Jose Cuervo and my good buddy Jim Beam,
Barkeep let the liquor flow all night like water from a mountain stream,
Don't forget Old Grandad and call Pepe Lopez and Capt. Morgan too,
it's one of those night where we're gonna see the sun come up before we're
through

Barkeep bring another round and set'em up one more time,
I've been here for hours but I just can't seem to drink her off my mind,
Sittin' in this seaside honkytonk, justa cryin' in my beer,
I've been so miserable since that woman left me,
it's almost like the bitch is still here!

*****************************************************************

No Name Key
music by Leo Dean
lyrics by Ron Thomas Smith

When it all starts gettin' to me,
theres a place where my heart longs to be ,
swingin' in a hammock, under a big palm tree,
down on No Name Key

When I get tired of my job at work,
and the bossman he's being a jerk,
I wish I was sippin' on a beer,
with the tiny key deer,
down on No Name Key

When there's too many bills in the mail,
and it seems like my life is a jail,
I wish I was laughin' over grub,
down at the No Name Pub,
down on No Name Key

I don't want diamonds, gold and fur,
just a cold draft beer and a cheese bur-ger
so if ya want to grant my wishin',
then just take me fishin',
down on No Name Key

I woke up with my head hurtin' fierce,
found out my kid just got their tongue pierced,
then my wife started bitchin',
Lord, you know that's when I got to itchin'
to be down on No Name Key

So if the world starts to end and you want to find me,
there ain't no place that I'd rather be,
than floatin' in my boat,
down on that Conch Republic coast,
down on No Name Key

I'm gonna be sippin' on a beer,
with the pirates and the tiny key deer,
down on No Name Key

***********************************************************

WISH I WAS IN KEY WEST
by Cap'n Ron & Leo Dean

Down in old Key West,
they got this thing they call the Duval Crawl,
people start at one end of the street and have a drink at every bar,
until they've seen them all,

They celebrate sunset every evening down at Mallory Pier,
then go by the Green Parrot for a shot and another beer,
they say it's always warm and sunny 365 days a year!
....Down in old Key West

They got geckos and land sharks and endless hurricanes,
if you get too drunk to walk you always ride on the Conch Train,
down at Mile Marker Zero, people tend to go insane,
I need some palm trees and a hammock with my name,
Damn, ...wish I was in Key West

Down at the Green Parrot there ain't no sniveling allowed,
and over at B.O.'s Fish Wagon there's always a happy crowd,
Drink rum at the Bull & Whistle and do the Duval Crawl,
have a drink at every bar until we've seen them all,

We'll stop by the Hog's Breath and Capt.Tony's for a ice cold brew,
drink toasts to old pirates like Mel Fisher and Bill Blue,
stumble over to Sloppy Joe's and drink one for ol' Papa too,
Listen to Barry Cuda play them lowdown barrelhouse blues,
Damn, ...wish I was in Key West

Just give me some palm trees and a hammock with my name,
A tall margarita until I don't feel no pain,
down at Mile Marker Zero, people tend to go insane,
Down in old Key West

You can almost see Cuba, only 90 miles away,
drink rum at the Schooner Wharf and hear Michael McCloud play,
tourist girls in bikinis and Coppertone,
wave at the webcams to all the poor folks back at home -
...that are wishin' ...wishin' they were in Key West


I don't care if it's 200 degrees or blowin a hurricane,
Just give me some palm trees and a hammock with my name,
down at Mile Marker Zero people tend to go insane,
But there ain't no better place to go crazy than Key West,
Damn, wish I was down in old Key West

***********************************************************
Worst bad habit of mine
Cap'n Ron and Leo Dean

Well I cheat at cards, play guitars in bars,
stay drunk too much of the time,
I got a taste for the finer things,
but a wallet that won't bring me
nothing but a hard hill to climb

well, I forget your birthdays and valentines,
but lovin' you baby, is the worst bad habit of mine

Lovin' you baby, that's the worst bad habit of mine,
I drink cheap wine, run stop signs, I ain't never once saved a dime,
and If I had a lick of sense, I'd tell you that we're through,
But I'm hooked on you baby, so what else can I do

well I tell jokes that ain't funny, piss away all of my money,
on goodtimes forgotten by the next day,
well I lie and I steal, get drunk at the wheel,
I make bets I can't afford to pay

well I cheat at cards, play guitars in bars,
forget your birthdays & valentines,
but lovin' you baby, is still the worst bad habit of mine

Lovin' you baby, the worst bad habit of mine,
well I drink cheap wine, I run stop signs, and I ain't never once saved a
dime,
If I had a lick of sense, I'd quit you girl, and leave this town behind,
but lovin' you baby, is still the worst bad habit of mine
yeah lovin' you baby is still the worst bad habit of mine